


The Other Shoe

by Lucy410



Series: SGA [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2419106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucy410/pseuds/Lucy410
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Has John left it too late to tell Carson how he feels</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Other Shoe

“This is the third time this week,” Carson remarked dryly, looking across to where Major Sheppard was sitting, cradling his hand, “I’m going to start thinking you’re injuring yourself on purpose.”

John smiled wryly, “That would be silly wouldn’t it?”

“Aye, it would.” Carson reached out towards John, cool fingers gently taking his hand and opening it up. “Another burn, are you still working with Rodney?” Carson pinned John with his best ‘doctor’ look. He couldn’t do anything about John and Rodney working together but right at this moment, he really wished that he could.

“No one else wants to,” John shrugged. “Guess I drew the short straw.” 

“That you did,” Carson muttered softly. “I enjoy your company Major but,” Carson paused to reach out for a tube of cream, “I’d really rather not see you in here again.” His only answer was a soft exhalation of breath as Carson’s deft fingers started to work the cream into the burn. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Ummm,” John’s eyes were closed as he concentrated solely on the sensation of Carson’s fingers kneading the palm of his hand. Then, “Ow!” He looked accusingly at the innocent-faced doctor, “that hurt.”

Carson’s blue eyes were shining with amusement. “It seems to me that you’re enjoying this far too much,” he scolded. “There, now go and be a bit more careful this time.”

The Major slid off the gurney on which he’d been perched and nodded at Carson. “I will Doc,” he promised.

Only once John had gone did Carson drop his guard and let his hands start shaking, touching John like that felt so intimate and yet he was after all merely doing his job and he would have treated any other burn on any other patient the same way. He didn’t even want to admit to himself that he was getting to the point where every time someone entered the infirmary he would pray that it was John. Of course it hardly ever was and Carson was fast learning to live with almost constant disappointment. 

“I’m acting like a bloody teenager.” He scolded himself. “Now if the Major could just stop injuring himself... 

Carson frowned, nice as it was to spend time with Major Sheppard he had to reflect that the frequency with which he was coming to the infirmary was troubling. Time to talk to Rodney perhaps.  
____________________________________________________________________________________________

“I want you to stop injuring Major Sheppard.” Carson had tracked Rodney down to his office, a feat which at first glance seemed unremarkable except for the fact that Rodney spent as little time in his office as possible, claiming he thought better when he was somewhere else.

“You really think I’m injuring John on purpose?” The look of indignation on Rodney’s face would have made Carson laugh at any other time but he did actually want to have a serious talk with Rodney.

“Well no,” Carson admitted, deflating a little, “but I strongly suspect you’re not being as careful as you should.”

Rodney looked defensive. “I’m trying to help,” he pointed out acidly. “I thought maybe pushing you two together would well, speed things along a little bit. It’s about time you two stopped mooning around and just got on with it.”

Carson drew himself up despite the accuracy of Rodney’s words. “I do not moon about as you put it and .. Wait, you think John’s mooning around as well?”

Rodney grinned. “Oh please! You two deserve each other. I don’t think the Major has stopped talking about you for the past week.”

Carson stared at Rodney as though the man had just grown an extra head. “He hasn’t?”

Rodney didn’t let him finish. “Ever since he found out that you have feelings for him he can’t seem to shut up about you. I am really getting tired of hearing how wonderful Dr Carson Beckett is.”

“He knows how I feel,” Carson had turned white. “Rodney what have you been telling him?”

“I have better things to think about and talk about then you Carson.” Rodney frowned and with a sigh flipped his laptop closed. “Anyway it wasn’t me that told him, it was you.”

“Hang on a wee minute there, it was me?”

Rodney sighed. “Do you recall a certain midnight chat we had. You rambling on about Kirk and McCoy?”

“He heard that?”

“Every word.” Rodney smiled.

“Oh God,” Carson suddenly stood and bolted from the room, looking for all the world as though he were about to throw up.  
____________________________________________________________________________________

“You should talk to him you know.”

“I’m sorry?” Sheppard looked up from his book with a frown. “Talk to who?”

“Whom,” Rodney corrected, then seeing the look on John’s face he added. “You hate it when I do that.”

“What are you doing here Rodney? I’m off duty so unless you’ve found a Wraith lurking in the bathroom I don’t want to know.” 

“I think you should talk to Carson about..” Rodney ‘s hands flailed in the air as he searched for the appropriate phrase, “things.”

John almost smiled at that. To see Rodney’s caring side coming out was almost worth putting up with his enormous ego, almost.

“I’m not sure why this is any of your business.”

“Carson’s my friend,“ Rodney paused and then rushed on. “You’re my friend. I want you to be happy.”

“Who says I’m not,” John muttered.

“Carson would make you happy if you gave him a chance.” Rodney fixed John with a glare, then exasperated, turned away with a growl just in time to miss the surprised look that crossed John’s face.

“Go away Rodney.” Hearing his own thoughts coming out of the scientist’s mouth suddenly made him angry. Rodney as usual wasn’t seeing the bigger picture here, didn’t see that John needed to keep the respect of the men under him in order to be effective. Protecting Atlantis and all of the people who lived there was his primary task and the one he had to focus on.

“We all knew this was most likely a one-way trip.”

“What are you getting at?” John growled, annoyed at Rodney but more annoyed at himself for having allowed the overheard conversation to get inside his head like that, for allowing Carson to, albeit unknown to him, get inside his heart.

“Relationships are only to be expected,” Rodney sighed, “I’m not very good at this, perhaps you should talk to Elizabeth.”

“About me and Carson?” When Rodney opened his mouth to correct him, John glared at him.

Once again Rodney surprised John with his perspicacity. The scientist always came across as so completely wrapped up in himself and his own work that he seemed to have little time for anyone else. John was fast beginning to re-evaluate his assessment of the man.

“You could do a lot worse.” Rodney pointed out with a faint smile as he turned to leave. “Carson’s one in a million.”

Upon reflection John realised Rodney’s statement was true however that almost made things worse. Everyone in Atlantis liked the Scottish doctor and they would all no doubt take exception to someone playing with his affections. With a frustrated growl John flung his book to one side and hoisted himself to his feet, time to go for a run and maybe think things over. As he pulled on his running shoes John reflected how much he hated it when Rodney was right.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

The sound of his feet echoed back to him as he ran, and for a while he let the sound fill his head, concentrating solely on the placement of each foot but thoughts of Carson weren’t far away and John frowned, slowing slightly as he found himself recalling the conversation that had not been intended for his ears. The tone of Carson’s voice was what had struck him the most at the time, the hopelessness in it as he had explained himself to Rodney. A tone that had made John want to do nothing more than wrap his arms around Carson and tell him that everything was going to be alright. But how could he say that when he didn’t even believe it himself? If he broke Carson’s heart what then?

___________________________________________________________________________

He had been told to report to the Gate room ready to go off world and Carson had little thought other than doing his job as he rapidly checked his emergency medical kit before he raced to the armoury, he half expected that Major Shepard would meet him there but instead he found Ford ready to help him find everything he needed. As they made their way to the Gate room Ford quickly filled Carson in with details of a meet and greet mission gone wrong when rival factions had taken exception to the arrival of the Atlanteans.

“Our people got caught in the middle,” Ford grimaced, “we need to patch up the injured and then get them safely back to the Gate. Think you’re up to this.”

“Aye of course,” Carson responded confidently. “Nothing to it. I take it Major Sheppard’s already there?”

“I’ll watch your six Doc don’t you worry.” Ford probably intended to reassure Carson but a niggling worry began to eat at him nonetheless.  
______________________________________________________________________________________

“Major Sheppard, it is as always a pleasure to see you. Would you like some tea?”

His feet had brought him to Teyla’s quarters and the woman seemed pleased that he had dropped by.

“Sure why not,” he responded, taking the proffered cup and sniffed at it gently.

“Is there something on your mind Major?” Teyla asked after five minutes of silence passed, during which time John had done nothing more than stare into his cup. When there was no answer the woman added. “Are you thinking about Doctor Beckett?”

John looked up at her sharply. “What do you know about it?”

“Only what I have observed,” she replied mildly, biting her lip to stop herself from revealing that she had also been told what was going on by Rodney.

John scowled. “Who else knows? I haven’t even decided what to do yet.”

Teyla smiled. “Why do you need to decide? You like Doctor Beckett and Doctor Beckett likes you. It is a simple situation.”

“Not that simple.”

“I disagree, you both feel the same way so there is no reason not to be together.”

John frowned at Teyla’s words, but nevertheless he felt a glimmer of hope and abruptly he stood and handed his cup back to his friend.

“I think I need to be somewhere.”

“Good luck Major.”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Everything seemed quiet on the other side of the wormhole and Carson breathed a sigh of relief, the way the situation had been explained to him he had been expecting to come out under fire. Thankfully he holstered his beretta, he hated having to carry the pistol even while he knew how necessary it was to be armed when off-world.

The marine stationed at the Gate greeted them with a relieved smile. Carson only half-listening as he explained the situation, something felt wrong somehow although he couldn’t put his finger on it.

“This way Doc,” Ford was leading him away from the Gate and Carson hurried to catch up with him.

“Shouldn’t we let them know we’re on the way?”

“Radio’s on the fritz,” Ford grimaced. “It’s not far.”

“That’s not what worries me lad,” Carson muttered to himself as Ford moved away from him and then, “ow.” 

“Doc?” 

Carson’s cry had alerted the young lieutenant and he turned back just in time to see Carson staring with disbelief at his hand.

“Doc?”

Slowly Carson held up his hand towards Ford. “There’s so much blood,” he murmured quietly sounding surprised, “my blood.”  
__________________________________________________________________________

 

Sheppard paced, trying hard to make sure all his strides were the same length and that the infirmary door remained firmly closed. He’d already got several strange looks from passing personnel; maybe he should just bite the bullet and go in. It might actually be a novelty, going into the infirmary without an injury needing treatment.

Okay see that wasn’t so hard, he told himself as he stepped into the infirmary, now to find Carson.

“Can I help you Major?” A nurse looked up as he came in, smiling widely.

“I’m looking for Dr Beckett.”

“I’m afraid he’s not here. He’s dealing with an emergency.”

“An emergency?” John could feel his insides squirming. “What sort of emergency?”

“Off-world,” the nurse glanced away as though these weren’t the worst words that John could be hearing. “One of the teams has come under fire; Dr Beckett went to treat the casualties.”

John turned and ran. His radio, he realised was off and he cursed himself for stupidity even as he let his legs carry him to the armoury.  
________________________________________________________________________________________

Rodney standing next to the DHD with Grodin saw Major Sheppard race into the Gate room as though his life depended on it and curiously armed to the teeth. Glancing upwards the man looked on the verge of speaking when “Off-world activation.” 

“What’s happening?” John strode forward, unconsciously checking his weapons as he did so. He glared at Grodin. “What the hell’s going on?”

“Doctor Beckett has been injured,” the words that John had dreaded, formed out of a burst of static and he felt his stomach drop. “He’s two miles from the Stargate, we’re going to need a medical team out here.”

Without even realising John was barking orders, the marines scurrying like ants around the room. His heart was thumping hard in his chest and John was suddenly afraid, what if he never got to tell Carson how he felt? He glared at the Stargate until the wormhole opened and then, gun held carefully out in front of him, he sprinted into the light.  
____________________________________________________________________

Stepping out of the wormhole horizon John was surprised by how peaceful the planet seemed, somehow it wasn’t what he had expected. Behind him the medics emerged, pushing a gurney heaped with supplies. Now they just had to find Carson and the others.

“Where’s Dr Beckett?” He grabbed the uneasy looking marine standing guard by the DHD and it took all his self-control for him not to shake the man.

“Not far. The radio isn’t working, don’t know why. I’ll show you the way.”

“Show me.” John wasn’t interested in anything but getting to Beckett and then getting him safely home again.

It didn’t take long to find the small band of marines. Two members of the group were obviously nursing minor injuries and John’s mind stored away all the information for later but it was Carson that his eyes were searching for.

There! His heart fell. The doctor was lying prostrate on the ground, blood on his jacket and pants, his eyes closed and for a moment, before the other medics pushed past him to get to Carson, he feared the man was dead.

“He’s still breathing,” the medic conducting the examination turned to John as though he knew how important his words were to the man. “But we need to get him back to Atlantis asap.”

“He’s going to be okay though?” The question came from a young male marine, his eyes wide with trepidation, his hands, John noticed, were shaking.

“What happened?”

“We were being fired upon,” the young marine spoke up, all too aware of the scowl settling across his commander’s face. “Booth and Sheldon were hit and I requested a medic, they were bleeding pretty badly.”

“What happened to Carson?” John asked as he watched the medics carefully lifting Carson onto a stretcher. 

“I shot him.” 

“What?” John’s shout made the marine duck and scrabble to apologise.

“I thought the enemy were sneaking up on us. I didn’t want to take any chances. They should have radioed us”

John had to restrain himself from launching himself at the younger man. That sort of behaviour would not help in the current situation. It was more important for now to make sure everyone got safely home.

“So you shot Dr Beckett. I will deal with you later. Right now we need to get back to the gate.” 

The rest was a blur. Somehow they had made it through the gate, Carson’s still body suddenly the centre of his world. 

Back in Atlantis a group of medics descended on Carson and John had to step back away from the man he now knew he loved.

“No Major,” a nurse stretched out a hand to stop him when John had tried to follow. “Let us deal with this now.”

And so John had stayed away from Carson and fretted and fumed and fretted some more. When finally a nurse had emerged from the infirmary to tell him that Carson was out of surgery and was going to be alright John had turned and taken himself off to the gym to try and work off some of his anxiety. When he got there he found the marine who had shot Carson waiting for him.

“Private Haas,” John circled the wary young man. “Tell me again why exactly you decided to shoot Doctor Becket.” Having had time to collect his thoughts John realised he was angry as hell and maybe now was a good time to teach this kid a lesson.

Haas looked down at the floor and then back up, almost defiantly, “I was keyed up Sir. I responded to what I thought was a threat.”

John shook his head, “Not good enough. You knew Doctor Beckett was on his way to your position and you should have held back. Why don’t you take me on? Pick on someone who can actually defend himself.”

“No Sir.” Haas, if possible, pulled himself even straighter and ignored the fact that the irate Major had torn off his uniform jacket and was coming at him with bunched fists.

“Then what are you doing here?”

“I came to apologise Sir.”

“An apology won’t help Carson, won’t take out the bullet you put in him,” John sneered at the man. “Come on throw a punch.” John raised his fists but he didn’t advance on the man, waiting for Haas to make a move.

Haas stepped backwards and John went after him, crowding the man until he was forced to shove his commanding officer back. Anger flared in the young man’s face and John cheered.

“That’s more like it.”

The fight began in earnest then, neither man noticed as a small crowd trickled into the gym to watch them. 

John, taller and stronger had the obvious advantage but Haas was younger, more agile and for a short time he managed to hold his own. But a lucky punch drove him to his knees and John, rather than allowing the man to climb back onto his feet, mercilessly continued the attack, striking at Haas’s face and upper body without restraint.

“Somebody needs to stop this.” Elisabeth, finally alerted to what was going on, had arrived on the scene and she turned anxiously to Lieutenant Ford.

“You want to get into the middle of that?” Ford looked at Elisabeth. “The Major wants to kill somebody. I’m not sure he cares who it is.”

Rodney, red-faced and breathless, stopped at Elisabeth’s side.

“Well?”

Rodney looked at his friend. Exhaustion had caused John’s attack on Haas to falter and the young marine had climbed to his feet but he was clearly unsteady. And the look on John’s face was, if Rodney was truthful, scaring him. He had heard what had happened to Carson and who had fired at whom and given John’s feelings for the Scottish doctor and the look on his face Rodney could see that there was only one way he could end this.

“Get Carson,” he looked at Ford. “Now!”

“He’s still in recovery.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Rodney snapped. “There’s only one person Major Sheppard will listen to now. Get Carson!”

A subtle nod from Elisabeth and Ford fled.

“John,” Rodney stepped forward. “I’ve just come from the infirmary.” That got John’s attention and he turned his face towards Rodney. “Carson’s fine. You’ll see.”

Haas had taken the opportunity to put distance between himself and John but despite Rodney’s words the murderous look was still on John’s face and he turned back to his prey with a growl.

It had been ten minutes and Rodney was wondering if Ford were ever going to make it back to them. John, clearly tiring, was merely circling a wary Haas, who looked like all he wanted to do was run away. Rodney couldn’t blame him.

“I’ve got Carson.” Finally Ford made his way back into the gym. His arm was wrapped around a very pale Carson and Rodney wondered what exactly Ford had said to have actually got the man to leave the infirmary almost under his own power.

“John?” Carson’s voice was weak but he managed to attract the Major’s attention and suddenly all his ferocity dropped away.

“Let’s give them some space.” Elisabeth gestured discreetly at Haas and the other onlookers.

“Carson.” John smiled at the man. “It’s good to see you upright.”

Carson looked disapprovingly at John’s bloodied knuckles. “I suppose you’re going to want me to treat those?”

“I’m sorry,” John muttered contritely.

“It was an accident. The lad didn’t mean to hurt me.” Carson took John’s hands in his, a small hiss escaping his lips at a flare of pain in his side. “And this is my fault.”

“Yours?”

“Aye. For not telling you how I felt, even with Rodney trying to do his best to get us to talk.” Carson put a hand up to touch John’s face. “I should have been braver.”

“I heard you know,” John admitted, very much enjoying the sensation of Carson’s hand on his face. “What you told Rodney but I needed to think about it. I needed to make sure that I felt the same way. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Being here in Atlantis is difficult I know, we’re so far from home, from any comfort.”

“There’s comfort here.” John stepped closer to Carson. “Maybe it’s not exactly what we’re used to.”

“It’s what I want.” Carson closed the gap between them and reached out for a kiss, his lips opening wanting to invite John in but inside a ripping sensation in his side made him gasp with pain and he collapsed downwards, only John’s arms there to break his fall.

“Carson!”

“Pressure,” Carson croaked, “put pressure on the wound, call for help.”

“And us?” John queried.

“There’s an us?” Despite everything Carson grinned. “How about a date?”

“Sounds good to me.” John smiled, even as Carson’s eyes closed in pain. Maybe being in Atlantis wouldn’t be so bad after all.


End file.
